Rule Number 6: A Leadership Reminder Worth Repeating

Every leader needs one rule they can return to when things feel heavy. For me, that rule is Rule Number 6.

There’s a chapter in The Art of Possibility that I first read during my master’s program, and it’s one I still return to years later. It’s called “Rule Number 6.”

The story goes like this:

When I first read that story during graduate school, I didn’t think much of it. At the time, it felt like just another clever anecdote tucked inside a leadership text.

It wasn’t until years later, while doing an exercise to explore my own professional philosophy, that I remembered Rule Number 6 and began to truly use it.

Over time, I’ve realized that Rule Number 6 isn’t just insightful, it’s foundational..

In higher education, especially in Fraternity & Sorority Life, our work is meaningful, but it can also feel heavy.

We juggle crises, compliance, community standards, and student development, all while trying to build culture, connection, and belonging. On any given day, we might move from a conduct meeting to a celebration banquet, from coaching a student through a leadership challenge to responding to a parent email that arrived before sunrise.

The emotional range of this work is wide, and so is the responsibility that comes with it. We hold stories, decisions, and expectations that impact hundreds of students and alumni. Because of that, it’s easy to start carrying that weight like a badge of honor.

I’ve done it myself. We get attached to being the fixer, the problem solver, the one who keeps the system running smoothly.

Rule Number 6 reminds me that we serve better when we stop taking ourselves so seriously.

When we loosen our grip, when we pause the self-importance, the perfectionism, or the defensiveness, we create room for something else: perspective, creativity, and humanity.

That’s when we start leading with presence instead of pressure.

Sometimes, stepping back allows us to see the humor in the chaos or to notice the small moments of growth that get overshadowed by deadlines and data. It helps us meet our students where they are, not where our stress thinks they should be.

And it gives us permission to model what it looks like to lead with balance, to care deeply about the work without letting it consume who we are.

I’ve had moments when I was this close to losing my patience in a meeting or when a chapter issue felt like the end of the world.

And yet, every time I’ve remembered Rule Number 6, I’ve been able to pause, take a breath, and remind myself not to take myself so goddamn seriously.

That simple act of remembering shifts everything. It doesn’t make the work less important, it makes me less rigid. It helps me step outside the spiral of stress and ego and return to what truly matters: supporting people, solving problems, and keeping perspective.

There’s a kind of freedom in that moment. It’s the space between reaction and response, where clarity lives.

Instead of tightening my grip on control, I find myself opening up to collaboration. It’s the shift from “I have to fix this” to “We’ll figure this out together.”

Over the years, I’ve learned that leadership isn’t about having all the answers, it’s about creating the conditions where others can bring theirs.

Remembering not to take myself so goddamn seriously gives me permission to show up authentically, to acknowledge when something is hard, and to keep a sense of humor when things don’t go as planned.

When we stop taking ourselves so seriously, we make space for our teams and students to do the same. We invite creativity, honesty, and vulnerability into the room.

We remind others that it’s okay to learn out loud, to make mistakes, and to grow in public. And we remind ourselves that leadership is human work messy, meaningful, and best practiced with humility.

The beauty of Rule Number 6 is that it works in any room, whether you’re leading a staff meeting or talking with a student at the end of a long day.

Today, I invite you to practice Rule Number 6 with your students, your colleagues, and yourself.

When things feel too serious, ask yourself:

In the fast pace of higher education, it’s easy to believe that the weight of every decision rests entirely on our shoulders. We care deeply about our work, our students, and our institutions, but sometimes that passion can harden into pressure.

Rule Number 6 reminds us that perspective isn’t the opposite of professionalism it’s what keeps it sustainable. To practice it is not to dismiss the seriousness of our responsibilities, but to hold them with a lighter grip.

It means showing up prepared, but also with humility and humor. It means creating workspaces where grace and gratitude are as present as goals and deadlines.

You might start by sharing Rule Number 6 with your team or your students. Invite them to remind you of it when you start spiraling into stress, and offer to do the same for them.

Watch how quickly that shared language shifts the culture. It gives permission to pause, to reset, and to return to what really matters: people. Because leadership isn’t about proving how capable we are, it’s about creating environments where others can thrive alongside us.

And sometimes, the clearest path to connection, creativity, and calm begins with a simple reminder:

When was the last time you reminded yourself not to take yourself so goddamn seriously What changed when you did?

If this reflection resonated, share it with someone who might need the same reminder today.

Reference
Zander, R. S., & Zander, B. (2000). The art of possibility: Transforming professional and personal life. Harvard Business School Press.